


Not looking back

by Lily_Amazon



Series: Sparks (WBP oneshots) [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gen, Graphic deaths, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Nakamaship, Reminiscing, Strong Female Characters, Whitebeard Pirates' early days, ghosts of sorts, graphic description of inaccurate medical procedures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26860660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lily_Amazon/pseuds/Lily_Amazon
Summary: "Who was this dead boy again?" A bad omen.Jillian has been part of the crew for years, a reliable doctor. But something is amiss today, and she can't help but fear for the worst.OC's backstory exploration.
Relationships: Whitebeard Pirates & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Sparks (WBP oneshots) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928929
Kudos: 6





	Not looking back

**Author's Note:**

> _Soundtrack:[Fink – Looking too closely](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoWRs7lXtYE) & [Michael Kiwanuka - Cold Little Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1aeh3NbMDQ) _

A late afternoon breeze ruffled Ace's hair as he was resting against the railing. The sun was slowly setting, turning the blue sky into an orangy one. He had sparred with some of his brothers most of the day and was now enjoying the restored calm, only disturbed by a few laughter.

Jill was next to him, perched on the wooden railing, reading what seemed to be a medical book. The Moby's doctor liked to be outside her office when there were no emergencies her nurses couldn't handle. One more time she frowned and raised her eyes from the page, lost in thoughts, as a slight move caught her gaze. The warm wind was tousling some raven hair and suddenly she couldn't stop her hand from reaching for those soft strands. Absentmindedly playing with the hat on his lap, Ace jumped at the touch.

"Sorry." She smiled."It's so soft, it's reminding me of my brother's hair. Do you mind?"

"I don't," he replied quietly, smiling back. His eyes widened as she closed her book and started to move, nearly stepping over him to tower his head. She ran her gentle hands through his hair and he shut his eyes, pleasantly surprised.

He had considered going away from her grasp, but it was a kind gesture. It felt good, even though it was the first time someone was stroking his locks like that. Thatch had done this from time to time, but only to make fun of him. It was rougher though. This was... nice? Yeah, definitely. The caring touch of a caring woman.

"What's your brother's name?" he asked, eyes still shut.

"Tom. A great name for such an annoying older brother!"

"And where is he?"

"Still on my home island I guess. I got a letter from him some months ago. He seemed to be fine," she said, still moving her hands.

If he could, he would have purred when she started to slowly massage his scalp. He let a satisfied sigh out. "Sounds like you're enjoying it, uh?" she went on, smiling. "My brother loved it too. He'd always let me do whatever I wanted with his hair... I shaved a part of it once." The young man tensed and tilted his head back to meet her eyes.

"I won't do that to you, I promise," she laughed. "He really had pissed me off that day..."

Ace finally relaxed, slowly giving in to the railing's side until it wholly held his head. Nothing mattered more than the warm feeling that was spreading in his body. He had never felt that way in years. He welcomed that inner peace with a small smile and dozed off, wrapped up in this comfortable feeling.

A lopsided grin took over Jill's features as she noticed the even and deep breathing of the young man. His strands of hair were as soft as silk. That was insane! No wonder Izo seemed so bitter about it sometimes. She lifted her head to look at the deck and all the pirates gathered here and there. None of them were paying attention. Her smile widened as a funny idea came to her mind. Grabbing something in the pocket of her white coat, she collected a few loose strands of black hair and tied them in a topknot. She held back a laugh. Ace looked so young and cute that way.

That was the time Thatch and Izo chose to come out on the main deck. The Fourth Commander was probably done ordering his staff for the upcoming dinner.

"Hey!" she whispered, waving her hands to draw their attention. They both looked twice before understanding what they were seeing and burst into laughter, quickly silenced by her frown and shush. It wasn't in Jill's habits to do pranks.

They came closer, realising the pleased smiles of both their doctor and their brother, for obviously different reasons.

"I don't want to wake him up," she explained, still whispering, "he seemed to need it."

"Man, he really looks like a kid!" the Chef said.

"Yeah, it suits him in a way. That's insanely cute. So, tell me Jill, is his hair as silky as it seems?" Izo wondered.

"You have no idea, dear!" She grinned mischievously as the cross-dresser grumbled. "He reminds me of Tom somehow..." She peered down at him, a fond yet melancholic expression on her face. The commanders looked at each other before staring at the brunette.

"Do you have news from him?" a frowning Thatch asked.

"Yeah, some months ago. He was fine. Must be busy. Just like I am." She shrugged. "We both have our lives."

"You have the right to miss him, you know that?" Izo said cautiously.

"I-I know. And I do..." She finally sighed. "I'll send him a letter. Stop looking at me like I'm about to burst into tears. That's not going to happen." She smiled once again. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some hair to stroke!" She winked, putting her hands gently on top of Ace's head.

"Alright then. But you shouldn't remove that hair band, it'll be fun!" Thatch grinned, still whispering as they made their way to the upper deck.

When the two men were out of sight, she untied his hair. The joke had lasted long enough. She knew how proud the boy was. If he woke up like this, no doubt he would feel humiliated, betrayed even. And she never intended to make him feel that way, not after he had finally let his guard down.

She resumed her caress and wondered why she was feeling so nostalgic. From time to time she had missed her brother of course, but not to the point of being that sad. She had made a choice years back then. They both had. Yet she never thought she would want to see him that much.

She was staring into space again when a shape caught her attention. Almost unnoticeable at first, it gradually materialized and her eyes widened in shock. She knew the man that was standing in front of her. Red hair, three-day stubble and an accusing gaze, he hadn't changed. Still looking so young, and for good reason: he had died years ago. From gunshot injuries if she remembered well.

She was used to seeing those kind of people. Those ghosts as she called them, even though she knew they weren't real, but only a painful invention of her mind. She saw them even before joining Whitebeard. There were two sorts of ghosts, those who were trying to warn her about something, and those who only were the materialisation of her guilt, of her failure as a doctor, to not let her forget about how useless and powerless she once had been. Because all the ghosts she saw were the people that had died in her care.

She shivered as the ginger boy looked down at Ace. She fought against the urge to take him to a safer place. There was no need to panic. He was scary but he wasn't real. She would just have to remember where and when he died and he'll fade away. She closed her eyes, feeling the broad bulwark she was sitting on and Ace's warmth underneath her. Who was this dead boy again?

Suddenly it hit her. He died nine years ago, the day before she joined Edward Newgate and his crew. And there she was, sent back in her past. Her home island, windswept and lively. Her brother's smile. Her house, her mentor, her afternoons in the infirmary. The waving flag at the harbour's entrance. She vividly recalled everything.

Suim Island, also known as The Jellyfish Haven, was located in the first part of the New World. Despite being a spring island, it was almost constantly blown by warm winds. Several hundreds of people were living out of farming, fishing and trading. Most of their wealth came from underwater deposits of seastone and their ancestral extracting method, known by only a few members of their community. As a rather small island, the seastone output couldn't match the Marine's need, who turned to more productive islands, letting the Suim inhabitants do whatever they wanted to with their meager production.

She was in her early twenties at the time, living in the family home with her big brother. Her father was a merchant, always sailing between several islands to sell what the residents made. Her mother had left them when she was still a child, unable to bear her husband's absence any longer. Jill had left school at sixteen to help Elli, the old island's doctor, and to learn medicine. She wanted to be useful. She always did the house chores when Tom asked to, often helped classmates with their homework yet, she never wanted to be a teacher, she wasn't much of a cook neither and housewife wasn't a tempting job in her opinion. It was when she saw how efficient Elli was when he treated people that she knew she wanted to be like him. She begged the aged doctor for months until he finally gave up and took her as an apprentice.

And there she was, four years later, helping her mentor as the second doctor of the island. That day, she had brought some medicines to the market and bought some basic medical supplies for the infirmary and her first-aid bag and went back to Elli. The elderly gentleman wasn't able to go around the island anymore. Jill had taken the helm some months ago and was visiting people who needed treatment all around Suim and on the nearby islands, while Elli was seeing patients in his office.

They had received a few calls from Miossu's City Hall. She took her dinghy and set sail for a fifteen minute crossing, the warm winds driving her faster. When she reached the harbour, she went to the Town Hall to greet the mayor and check the patients' address before setting off. As she was going around Miossu's villages, admiring the green windswept landscapes, some strange noise caught her attention. Like loud detonations. She was surprised, because no one, not even the mayor, had warned her about that day being a hunting day. A bit more careful, she resumed her journey and smiled at the laughing and running kids that passed her, feeling something familiar with the red-dressed girl telling the boys to hurry.

It was when she went out of the last house, waving at the old lady that was thanking her, that she understood. There was smoke rising from her island. Way too much smoke to only be a camp fire or anything. Hearing some detonations once again, it hit her and she started running down to the harbour. Halfway, she almost bumped into the red and breathless mayor. "Faith! I was... looking... for you... Bandits are attacking Suim!"

Right. At that time, she was still Faith, the embodiment of the hope and love she had brought to her family when she was born.

"I know, I have to go back there!" She was slightly panicking, wondering who those bandits were and what the extent of the damage would be when she would set foot on the island. She wasn't a fighter, even though Tom had given her a self-defence training for years on a monthly basis. But she still could help, as a doctor.

They ran down at a fast pace, the mayor telling her that he would alert the other islands and send some backup to help Suim getting rid of those robbers. Not minding the people that stepped away at her entrance into the harbour, she jumped on her boat and started sailing back, annoyed by the slowness of the ship. The wind was filling the sail, yet it wasn't fast enough for her. As she waited, staying on course, she took her bag off and threw the useless stuff for dealing with battle injuries, before grabbing her green _den den mushi_. She dialled the number she had memorized years ago, the one she should call as a last resort only, as an ultimate and never dreamed of lifeline. After two tones, someone answered. She hadn't even taken the time to hear them before saying: "I am Faith Jillian Sade from Suim Island. We're currently under attack. They're not the usual thieves we're used to deal with. I can see three medium-sized boats with black sails and an unknown Jolly Roger. They must have heavy armaments... Cannons or something. They have already docked in the main harbour and considering the smoke, they probably have set several buildings on fire. Some nearby islands are sending us help but they won't make it in time. I'm going back there for medical assistance but we'll need your back up as soon as possible. Have I made myself clear enough or do you need extra information?" She held her breath, hoping the line hasn't been cut while she was speaking. She heard some curse and the noise of crumpled paper.

"I'm Izo, Whitebeard's Sixteenth Commander. We're already changing course. None of us are near your island, but we'll try to reach you as fast as possible. You'll have to hang on. Tell your people to hide wherever they can and don't endanger yourself neither. If none of you are a match for them, better run than fight and get killed." The _den den mushi_ was frowning, embodying the concern of the commander. Faith took a deep breath.

"Alright. Most of them must already be hidden. I'm almost there. I have to go. We'll wait for you. Suim Island. Three ships. Don't lag behind." She hanged up her snail phone, not even waiting for another answer.

She weighed her options as the island came closer and closer and finally chose to dock in a small beach near the main harbour. Checking her bag once more, she braced herself, remembering Elli's advice about attacks and fight injuries. She also thought of her training with Tom. All would be alright. She knew what to do. She would help people.

She took another deep breath when the hull of her ship scraped the bottom of the bay and jumped quickly on the beach, before starting running at a small, regular pace. She'd be in the town center soon enough, no need to be spotted by the enemies yet.

Like in Miossu, she first heard chaos before seeing it. Detonations still echoed randomly, but it wasn't from cannons anymore. They were using guns now. No longer aiming at the buildings. She then heard the yells and the cries, of terror, of pain, of despair. Not taking any shortcuts to meet the disaster, she nimbly weaved in and out the maze of dirt roads and cluster houses and ordered the residents she came across to go back to their home and hide. That was all they could do. Wait for the attacks to cease, wait for the backup to come. And she understood how terrifying it could be. At least she had a role to play, she could be useful. Those men and women just had to wait.

She finally arrived near the town center and left the relative safety the byways had provided her. As she set foot on the now cobbled street, she thought that today was either her lucky day or the day she was going to die alongside the people she cared about.

The sight of utter chaos was added to the already unbearable sounds. The main street was a mess. Luckily enough, the enemies seemed to be far further, probably heading to the City Hall. The area was clear. Well, as clear as it could be when a town was under attack. Boxes and barrels from nearby stores were shattered everywhere. The smell of gunpowder and flames was filling the atmosphere. They had set the tavern on fire, spreading glowing sparks and dark smoke in the air.

She saw several bodies, lying on the floor, some of them totally still, fresh blood dripping from various injuries. Shit. Shit. Shit. She ran to the closest one and didn't even stop to check on him, realizing the bullet hole in his head and his empty eyes. The second one was still alive, a gash crossing her abdomen. Not deep enough to be lethal. The woman was breathing heavily, and pain shone in her eyes when Faith pressed gauze on the cut.

"It h-hurts."

"I know. Sorry. I have to make it worse before you feel better. Can you take it? There... Press as hard as you can. What happened?" she asked as she was filling a syringe with painkillers.

"B-bounty hunters' p-pirates. T-too many. Want o-our seastone. I tried to s-stop them b-but—"

"It's alright. Kemi, is it? I'm going to give you something to ease the pain, 'cause you need quick stitches. I'll be as fast and precise as I can, so we can move you to a safer place."

"O-okay."

She injected the painkillers and instinctively protected the woman's body with her own when another detonation rang and ground a nearby house to dust and stone debris. Of course. Boats couldn't be empty. They needed some space for retreat. She suppressed a shudder and looked down to Kemi.

"Alright, new plan. We move you to a safer place first and then I close that wound." She took seconds to give her a small smile. "It's gonna be alright. You should already be feeling the effects of the painkillers kicking in. I need you to keep pressing on the cut to lessen the flow of blood. Can you do that?"

The woman assented.

"Great, now let's go." Moving a casualty wasn't the ideal solution but she knew the woman could handle it. She wasn't tall or strong enough to carry her so she grabbed her shoulders and dragged her away from the ravaged streets, in a small and rather clean dead-end street nearby. That has been quick but painful. Tears were running down the woman's cheeks as she had tried not to yell. "Sorry. It's over now. We're not moving you anymore."

 _Well, at least not in the minutes to come_ , she thought to herself. "Okay, time to patch you up. I can't give you more pain killers so it'll hurt, but I'll be as fast as possible so once I'm done you can rest and heal."

Kemi removed her hands from the now red gauze as Faith was extracting her stitching kit from her bag. She gave her a comforting smile before focusing on the gash. She counted to three before spilling antiseptic in the wound, trying not to mind the woman yell, muttering another bunch of sorry. She rapidly stitched the injury and applied a bandage before checking on the woman who had paled but was still conscious. As she was working, some residents had gone out of their house, not minding the danger, to help the others. She called several of them and they took charge of Kemi as she ran out of the dead-end street toward another wounded man.

Two bullet wounds in his chest, two others in his legs, it was a miracle he was still conscious and breathing. She took account of all the blood he had already lost and knew he was beyond saving. But she couldn't leave him, not now.

"Faith... Where are they?" he whispered, his face pale, shaking.

"I've called them, Zon. They're on their way. But they won't make it in time, not anymore."

"Shit!" he grimaced before coughing. He had refused the painkillers. The tavern was still burning, detonations randomly ringing to the goodwill of those damn destroyers.

"Yeah, you name it... Hey, you!" she yelled as she caught sight of a man with a blanket in his hands. "Come over here. I need this." The man agreed and swore when he reached them, recognizing Zon. "Holy shit! What can I do?"

"He's in shock, we'll have to keep him warm. Give me that cover." She spread it all over his body as the newcomer knelt down next to them. "I have to check on the other victims. Can you stay with him?" she asked. "I'll come back Zon. You just have to hang on 'til they arrive. Alright?"

The man gave her a smile, seeing right through it, but not blaming her. "Yeah, sure, sweetie. A shame... they burned down... our tavern... A glass of whisky would have been nice now. Maybe... Elli could have shared for once, eh?"

She stood up, ready to answer, when Zon's acquaintance grabbed her ankle, looking up to her, uncertainty in his green serious eyes. "What can I do?"

"Take his hand, talk to him. And smile. That's all he needs now." And without giving them a second glance, she ran toward another group of wounded people.

That was how two hours went by. Shocked people everywhere, some yelling, some crying, some totally silent. And Faith, running from one to another, examining, bandaging, stitching, giving painkillers, reducing fractures, doing the best she could, failing to do enough.

When she finally had treated all the injured people she could in the town center and near the harbour, she headed to the marketplace, where the City Hall, the school and Elli's office were. She hoped they had been reasonable enough to give the pirates what they wanted. That was the only way to reduce the damage, to avoid any more death. She also hoped some of the guards had shot down several of those bastards. They deserved it.

The marketplace was a mess. Just like the main streets, most of the stalls, barrels and boxes were destroyed. But fortunately the residents had more time to hide and there was only a limited amount of victims, lying on the floor.

She ran toward one of them, evaluating her injuries, making a mental list of all the things she had to do to help her. They talked a bit as she took her in charge and she learned that Miossu's reinforcements had come, but were defeated and that two of their boats were currently sailing around Suim to blindside their ships and sink them. They then heard more detonations from the harbour and the sea. The fight had begun.

She was bandaging the victim's arm when she heard laughter as a part of the bounty hunters' pirates emerged from the Town Hall. "Ahahah it was a pleasure doing business with you, Mayor! All this seastone will come in handy!"

That was the chief of the bandits. She saw him and the rest of his men, partially hidden with her patient behind some crates. A black bearded slim man with a bloody sword in his right hand. She hoped they were done and would leave without rampaging any further. They would need time to clean all this up, to heal every bodies and minds.

Lost in thought, she hadn't detected the woman sudden dread. "What do you think you're doing?" someone asked, as something cold connected with the back of her head. The barrel of a gun, no doubt. She put her hands up instinctively before turning around to face the threat and calmly answered to him. "I'm trying to save those people's lives."

The blond massive man snorted, looking down on her kneeling shape. He rectified the position of his gun, right between her eyes, and for the first time of the day, she feared for her life.

He was about to say something when another detonation rang in the air. He looked around, confused. Their chief was the quicker to understand they got shafted. His face suddenly turned red. "You!" He pointed his sword at the mayor. "How dare you?" he yelled, "Do you really think you're going to get away with all this? You fool..." he muttered as he awoke a baby snail phone and started to speak to all of his men. "Alright everyone, we've got what we wanted, our time here is over. Let's gather at the harbour, ready a ship, forget the others. We're coming down, and I'll make sure we can retreat safely."

He then gestured to catch the attention of all his crewmates around him and showed them the school. "Let's give their kids a visit of our ship! Karl, leave them, we need to get going!"

Terror filled Faith as the blond man gave her a last look before running toward the school and its now destroyed door. She heard high-pitched cries and could only witness what was happening. They were taking the children as hostages. Hands and back soaked with sweat, taking short and quick breaths, only hearing her own heartbeats, she couldn't move. She was paralyzed, unable to move, to intervene.

They were around twenty, with their teacher, contained by the pirates, shaking and crying in fear. They were slowly headed to the harbour. And it all happened quickly. A young man loomed from a house yelling a name. A little girl, dressed in red, yelled back at him as he tried to reach her but was hit by a bullet in his left shoulder and fell down.

Someone was still aiming at him. Another detonation rang. Another yell was heard. "Jeminy!"

And suddenly, Faith regained control of her body. Enough to get between the wounded teenager and his assailant. The fear was gone, sent away by this desire, this need to protect, to stop the death of this man, to prevent this little girl from seeing her brother die.

"Stop it!" she said, arms outstretched. The man laughed before turning around, gesturing his gun to make the children move. The girl seemed reluctant, unaware of the danger she was putting herself in. "Go away, sweetie! Go. I'll take care of him. I promise!" And they left, leaving the witnesses distraught. They couldn't have done anything to prevent that.

"That's not r-really nice... making promises y-you can't keep," the teenager said, wincing in pain, catching her attention. "Shut up." Red hair, scars. That was him. Jeminy.

Just from looking at him she knew it would be hard to save him. But she had made a promise and she wasn't one to go back on her words. One bullet had popped out of his shoulder with the impact, leaving that wound rather clean. The other one was more worrying. The bullet had crossed his chest and one of his lungs, judging by his wheezing breath and the bubbles of air coming out of the bleeding cut. A bad sign.

She quickly took a blood test kit out of her bag and proceeded with the test. It would help her later to speed up the transfusion process, if she succeeded in stabilizing the teenager's condition first.

"Jeminy? To put it simply, you've got blood and air in your lungs. That's why you're not breathing correctly. I need to fix that, but I'll have to anesthetise you. And I have to do it now."

"O-okay, but... If I... Tell Kayla, I..." he said, with difficulty.

"Alright. But you know what, you'll tell her yourself when she'll get back." Faith smiled at him, before preparing a syringe and injecting her last dose of anesthetic. He didn't even need to start to count to ten before falling asleep.

Some people had gathered around her when she was talking to him. She pointed two women out. "I'll need your help. You, you'll use that pocket mask to insufflate him more air. And you, I need you to run to the infirmary to find Elli and bring him back, along with an oxygen tank and some blood bags, O negative preferably. And for the rest of you, well, we need air, so if you're not injured, go to the mayor, he'll tell you what to do."

Everybody agreed and she started preparing him, showing the woman how to ventilate him, monitoring his heartbeat with her stethoscope. That kind of wound would need surgery, but this wasn't the right place and she had never done such things. The best she could do was stabilizing him while waiting for Elli to come and decide if that boy could be saved or not. And the best to do in order to stabilize him was to pull all this blood out of his lung.

It wasn't a common procedure here but she knew it by heart. She remembered the steps from the textbook, the motions she repeated into thin air again and again and the measure and sensations she had prodded out her own body.

Using scissors she cut his shirt out before applying an antiseptic solution on his chest. Noticing her dirty hands, she put her two last pairs of sterile gloves on to restrict the risks in case one of them burst, before getting a chest tube kit ready. She identified his fifth intercostal space, took a deep breath and made an incision. Clearing a way to the damaged lung, she then inserted the chest tube. When it started to drain the blood, she stitched each part of the incision to steady it before applying a dressing. She now had to wait and check the blood loss to see if it would cease or not.

Jeminy had paled, but seemed to breathe a bit more easily. She took care of his other wound, bandaging it, and with the help of the woman assisting her, she raised his head and shoulders a bit to ease his breathing. Seeing he was still asleep, she took the time to clean everything and make a small inventory of what was left in her bag. Nothing much to say the least: two bandage rolls, a suture kit, a vial of painkillers and two of antibiotics, scissors, two syringes, along with a bottle of saline solution, of alcohol, and two IV kits. She hoped the disaster was reaching its end and with it the number of injured residents. Elli was probably healing people somewhere on his own, but still...

The woman came back from the infirmary with all the things she had asked for. Faith put the oxygen mask on Jeminy's face before transfusing him. "I couldn't find Elli. He is nowhere to be seen."

"It's alright. I'm stabilizing him, so he can wait for a bit. The blood test kit showed us he is A negative, I'm not sure we've got bags of it, but if you could go back and check... And after that, I'll just need you to go and search for Elli."

"Okay, I'm leaving then." As the woman ran, she took advantage of his still sleeping state to thread a catheter in his hand, before putting him on a drip of both saline solution and antibiotics.

"There. Can you hold the IV above his head please?" she asked the woman standing beside them, inactive since she had given Jeminy oxygen. "Thanks. We just have to wait now." She tried to give her a reassuring smile while undoing the tourniquet on his arm. Given the amount of anesthetic she had injected him, he should wake up in thirty minutes or so. She monitored the chest tube output, relieved to see the flow had lessened, even just a bit.

"I'll go check on some people around here, if he wake up or if anything happen, just yell," she said before packing her stuff up and putting her stethoscope around her neck. Twenty minutes later, as she had run out of bandages and was protecting some wounds with clean pieces of her shirt she had torn apart, she heard the woman yelling.

"FAITH!" When she got back, the woman was massaging his chest, proceeding to a cardiopulmonary resuscitation. "He opened his eyes and then stopped breathing". The doctor knelt beside them and took over the woman. "Pick up the pocket mask and ventilate him now. Two times." She stopped as his lungs were filled with air before resuming her chest compressions, counting them. "Come on! Come on Jeminy!" After two other rounds, he finally regained consciousness, coughing and grimacing, his hand trying to grasp the chest tube.

"No. Don't. I'll give you something to ease the pain," said Faith, as she pushed his hand away and prepared a syringe of pain killers before injecting it. As she put his oxygen mask on again, he tried to speak, tears in his eyes. "M-make it s-stop. P-please... It h-hurts."

"I know. Just wait, you'll soon feel them kicking in." He had paled and was shivering. She checked on the chest tube, only to see the flow of blood had increased, pooling all over his side. It wasn't good.

"Please, go and try to find Elli too. We need him," she said to the woman, taking the IV and blood bag from her hands. She wanted to cover the teenager with something to keep him warm, but she couldn't see anything adequate around. "Don't worry Jeminy. He'll come and patch you up."

But he shook his head. "He w-won't... I'm n-not gonna m-make i-it." She held his cold hand. "J-just... D-don't try to b-bring me back a-ag—" And he stopped breathing.

And she let him go.

That was it, Jeminy died that way, and yet, there was something dragging her further and further into her memories.

* * *

Several minutes passed before she understood holding the IV and the blood bag wasn't necessary anymore. Coming to her senses she removed them from him, along with the chest tube and the mask. She wrapped up his chest with the remains of his shirt and finally closed his lifeless eyes. She heaved a heavy sigh before finishing collecting herself and then stood up, slowly heading for the harbour, hearing some bustle.

Most of the corpses she encountered were already covered with white or colored sheets, people all around, crying or cleaning, dumbfounded. As she passed by some of them, she heard the Whitebeard's pirates had finally arrived and that they had freed the kidnapped children, crossing path with the retreating bandits. She slowed, not really ready to face them yet. She was exhausted, relieved and mad at the same time.

As she was about to descend the small hill she had climbed to reach the marketplace, she heard quick footsteps and a small laughing voice telling someone to hurry. She hadn't realised what it was all about when a red-dressed flash went past her. She then faced a little group of pirates, following the red running shape from a distance, probably heading to the city hall and the mayor to know what really happened. Her eyes widened in shock and understanding and she turned around, starting to run.

"KAYLA! NO!"

But it was too late. She grabbed the little girl's arm when she was only a few feet away from her brother's body, already yelling in pain. She tried to keep her away, kneeling, turning her aside and noticed the pirates' arrival. Kayla was struggling in her embrace, raging mad. She finally let go of her and the girl suddenly slapped her with all her strength. "You liar! You promised!"

She could already feel the bruise forming on her cheek, but hadn't moved. Kayla was right. She had made a promise and she had failed to keep it. She deserved it. She deserved so much more...

"Look at what you've done!" The little girl continued, shaking, raising her hand anew. But she was stopped by another hand. Elli had come from the marketplace. Restricted, she gave up, a worn out, desperate look on her face. "L-look! I-I'm all alone now!" And she started sobbing uncontrollably. Elli pressed her against his chest, whispering sweet words. He looked at Faith, still kneeling, and asked her if she had a tranquilizer left. Kayla would need it.

"No. I have almost nothing left. Bring her to your office. She needs rest anyway. Does everything was alright on your side?" she wondered, seeing some blood on his white coat. The man let out a sigh. "As alright as it could be. You take care of them?" he said, moving his head towards the pirates. She nodded, standing up. "We'll talk about what happened later. Come to the sick bay when you're finished." He then held the still crying child in his arms and carried her away. Faith looked at them, thoughtful, before wiping her face and pulling some wild strands of hair away. She was covered in sweat, soot and blood, but that would do for now.

She faced the awaiting pirates, recognizing most of them as Whitebeard's Commander's. One being Marco The Phoenix, Edward Newgate's First Mate. "Elli is taking her to the infirmary," she answered to his silent question. "I guess you wanted to see the mayor, I'm taking you to him." They assented, silently following her.

When she entered the City Hall, he was there, talking with his assistant and some residents, looking exhausted. His eyes widened a bit when he saw her. "Faith! Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she reassured him and gestured toward her bloodied clothes, "it's... Not mine." He nodded in understanding, before seeing the men behind her. "They're the Whitebeard's pirates, they want to talk to you. I'm leaving, but I wondered if you already had a number."

"Around a hundred," he said grimly. It took several seconds before she was able to process the news. "I see. I'll head back to the sickbay before going around the village to see if I'm needed anywhere. Elli will probably be too tired and busy with everyone around his office, so if you need something, don't hesitate, I've got my _den den_."

Not awaiting an answer, she left, finding herself in the marketplace again. She went to the sickbay. It was divided in three main rooms, one for the regular consultations, another as an infirmary with forty beds, and an operating room. The back of the building was Elli's house. He was currently sitting at his desk, in the infirmary, searching something in a book. Most of the beds were taken, bandaged and perfused residents resting. She walked along the main row of cots and went to the shelves containing all their medical equipment, behind Elli's desk. Setting her bag down on a chair, she started to fill it, softly talking to her mentor. She told him everything, in a neutral, professional tone contradicting her inner rage, guilt and weariness. She then listened to him, telling her what had happened, how Whitebeard's crew was helping them, how she wasn't responsible for those deaths. And as always, he was right. His low and all-knowing voice pacified her, eased her guilt, making more room for her anger. She had done her best, waiting for someone to intervene, to rescue them. She wasn't to blame, at least not that much. But someone else was. Someone powerful who swore to protect them, no matter what.

She finished packing and left to walk around the town, checking on people she had treated. The fire had been extinguished, only leaving a faint smell of smoke in the air. Residents greeted her on her way, seeing the red cross on her bag, recognizing her. She was stunned by the extent of the damage and the number of injured people. Some of the bounty hunters' pirates weren't apparently there only for the seastone. It made her sick. Unarmed and kind men and women suffering for nothing. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.

On her way, seeing how the pirates were helping them, cleaning, treating, and some even starting to rebuild destroyed houses, she wondered what she would say to Whitebeard if she was to face him. This mutual assistance was heart-warming. In those harsh times, they had to stick together, to help each other in order to help themselves, but... She blamed them.

They had come decades ago and offered their protection in exchange for almost nothing. Only pleased to be helpful. And now that they had needed them, they failed to keep their word. It was intolerable, unbelievable from one of the Four Emperors.

Her steps brought her absent-mindedly to the harbour. Whitebeard's ship was there, Suim's winds toying with its huge sails, pirates freely coming and going, busy. She was itching to go up there, to face the great Whitebeard on the deck of his own ship, to see what he would say.

She met her own tormented yet resigned eyes in a shop window she was standing by. She looked like a mess. Dirt on her face and arms, her ripped stained shirt showing a part of her stomach, loose strands of hair escaping from her ponytail. She looked like a mess, but that was what they had made of her. And she wouldn't change anything.

What was done was done. She wanted answers, she wanted solutions and she knew who to ask them from. She headed for the Moby Dick, determined. Her voice was loud and firm when she arrived at the foot of the boat, in front of the wooden plank allowing the pirates to come and go from it, and asked, "Where's Whitebeard?"

Surprised faces looked her all over, whispering. "I'm Faith Jillian Sade and I want to see your captain." She said again, not moving.

"Faith?" She turned around and faced her wet yet unharmed brother. "Tom! You're alright?" She was about to hug him when she saw her dirty hands and gave up on it, only smiling.

"Yeah, we stayed in the underwater caves. We're all fine. What are you doing?"

"I'm going to see Whitebeard. I have things to say."

"What? Faith, you shouldn't... Come with me, I'll take you home and we'll rest for a bit."

"No! I'm tired of shutting up. I need to see him and I need it now."

"And he'll receive you," a neutral voice intervened. "I'll show you the way." Marco added, patiently waiting. Faith nodded, turning back to Tom. "Go back home. Go check on Zoe, she must be worried. I'll meet you tonight." And she followed Whitebeard's First Mate.

He was on the deck, sitting on a massive chair fitting his massive size. Even without doing anything other than looking at her he was impressive, powerful. The sun was setting behind him, giving the sky various shades of orange, cruel reminder of the now extinguished fire and of all the battle's consequences. When Marco stepped aside, she was a few meters from him. She could see sadness and curiosity in his eyes. Not losing countenance under that strong gaze, she greeted him.

"Edward Newgate. I'm Faith Jillian Sade, one of Suim's doctors and the one who called you this afternoon. In normal circumstances, I would tell you how pleased I am to meet you, but today, I'd be lying saying so." The man assented.

"Welcome on board Miss Sade. And first, let me present you my deepest apolog—"

"I don't want to hear it," she cut him off. "I'm the one speaking now, and you'll wait until I am finished. That's the least you can do." The man's stare shifted from surprise to understanding and he complied, not saying a word.

"Are you too confident in your own strength and reputation that it makes you blind about everything else?" She paused assessing the short breaths and the whispers among the curious pirates circling them. "How many islands are you currently protecting? Ten? Fifteen?" Another pause. "What is the plan if one or several of them were under attack? Have you ever thought of it? Considered it? Or are you that a naïve and idealistic man to believe that your name and a waving flag would be enough to bring peace wherever you stand? Because if you tell me that you thought so, well, I'll have to make you see what the real world looks like."

She paused again, clenching her fists in a mix of fear and rage, knowing what she was just about to say. "Hundred innocent people are dead today. People I knew, people I cared about, people I grew up with. Good, care-free, innocent people. We both have hundreds of ruined lives on our head now."

She knew that many people were out on deck, witnessing what was happening, yet she couldn't see anyone but him, his eyes locked with hers, mindful. She took her breath and went on, already feeling the emotional spiral she was thrown in starting to fade.

"Hundred innocent people are dead today. And there's no way I let that happen again. I don't care how you'll do it, but you'll have to fix it. Aren't you the strongest man in the world? Isn't your crew numerous and strong enough? Didn't you take upon your shoulders the burden of protecting us? Does it seems right to take people under your so-called protection and not being able to protect them in the end? Why, then?" Her voice started to crack. "Why weren't you there?"

A few seconds passed in utter silence. Now that her speech was done, she felt drained. Guilt and anger remained but sadness and weariness were stronger. Everyone was silent, assessing what had been said and what they might say to her now. Yet, she was still looking at their captain, waiting, shaking, feeling fatigue getting heavier and heavier on her shoulders.

The strongest man in the world sighed, suddenly looking way much older. He stood up, took a step forward and bowed down before her. All around them, men were shouting "Pops!" and " _Oyaji!_ " out of surprise and distress.

"I apologise for all the pain our carelessness put you and all Suim's residents through. We failed you. _I_ failed you. And I don't have enough words to tell you how sorry I am."

Shock and relief washed over her. She turned her head on the side to hide the tears welling up in her eyes and said with a falsely angry and annoyed voice, "You idiot! Get up. Kneeling won't change anything now."

Whitebeard chuckled before standing up again, giving her a gentle smile. "I mean it, and there are changes to be made, rest assured of it. And we'll do it quickly."

She nodded, worn out. "Alright then, but I want to hear about them. Now that everything had been said... I'll go back to the infirmary. You're welcomed on the island, all of you." And she left, at a slower pace than before but feeling lighter. She had been heard. Maybe things would change.

When she went back to Elli's office he was at his desk again, thanking a snail phone before hanging up and resuming the filling of some medical records. And there were nurses all around, treating and checking on patients, Whitebeard's mark on their uniforms. She felt relieved that there were someone standing in for her. She needed to breathe, to take off her medical bag and all the duties that came along with it. Elli smiled to her as she reached him.

"There's a plate on the bar," he said, showing the door to his room behind him, with a slight move of the hand. "Tom brought you spare clothes. You can use the shower. And don't forget to eat." She smiled and entered Elli's house. That huge room served as kitchen, living and dining room. She noticed the food on the counter and ignored it, only putting her bag against the wooden piece of furniture. She headed to the bathroom, next to Elli's bedroom, lighting it before readying the shower. She undressed and slipped under the boiling hot water spray. And for the ten following minutes, she hadn't done anything other than staying right under it, eyes closed, water flowing over her head making her deaf and blind, oblivious to the outside world. When she had enough and cracked her eyes open, she saw how red the water pooling at her feet was.

Picking the soap with the strongest scent, she started scrubbing her body before taking care of her hair. A smell of vanilla soon filled the room along with steam. She rinsed herself before starting all over again, using a brush this time. The hard bristles set her skin ablaze, reddening it. What took much longer was getting rid of the blood under her fingernails. She had feared it would never go away, staining her forever. But after several minutes of stubbornness it finally disappeared, leaving her fingers sore.

Not far away, sounds of chairs being pulled and muffled voices could be heard.

She rinsed herself one last time, but when her hands wiped her face she hissed, having forgotten her bruised cheek. It wasn't a harsh or strong pain, yet it was enough to make her want to cry. And she couldn't help the tears welling up in her eyes again. Relieved to be alone, she surrendered to the feels she had desperately locked up inside her and started to sob, bending to bear that storm tearing her apart from within. She couldn't help whimpering. That was way too much.

She strongly bit her lip, hearing the pathetic sounds she made. She didn't want Elli to know, to come and see her like that. So weak, so vulnerable, so woman. She already knew what he would say, and it wouldn't change anything for her. She just had to let it go for now, to hold on until she could breathe again. Moments passed and she sobbed, shaking, tasting the blood from her split lip, the hot water leaving an invisible yet comforting path on her back.

And then it stopped. She felt even more drained and leaned against one of the white tiled wall, unable to stand any longer. She stared into space, waiting for her breath to calm down and her strength to come back. That was it.

When she felt strong enough, she stood and turned the shower off, wrapping herself in a towel. She felt better. Yet, she knew she was now on the brink of the cliff she had climbed back up with so much difficulty, and that the slightest thing could make her fall down again. But she would be fine, eventually. As she had thought earlier, they would all need time to heal. Even if she hadn't believed it could affect her too.

Drying herself, she finally met her own gaze in the mirror. Slightly bloodshot eyes with shadows under them, standing out in her paler than usual face. Well, not so pale, considering the interesting shade of purple adorning her right cheek. Her lips were redder from the bite, still bleeding a little. The rest of her body was intact, only a few grazes. It could have been worse, she thought, remembering the gun that had been pointed at her, ready to fire. She still could picture the man wicked grin perfectly. It was one of the doctor's duties to remain healthy and unharmed during a battle, in order to be efficient and save the more people he could. Everyone knew that.

But there was also what the mirror couldn't show. The remaining pieces of her broken heart, broken each time she remembered Kayla's scream and Jeminy's pleading eyes. One more failure she would have to live with.

Heaving a sigh she got dressed, wiped her hair and applied some healing balm on her lips before cleaning everything and exiting the bathroom. Some chairs were missing but the plate was still here, waiting for her. She didn't feel like eating. She only wanted some company. Being by Elli's side always made her feel better.

She went to the infirmary but he wasn't there. A nurse gestured to the door of the consultation room from where she could hear muffled voices. Thanking her she entered, only to find Elli casually chatting with three pirates.

"Oh sorry." She was about to close the door when the old doctor interrupted her. "It's alright Faith, come in."

She stood in the spacious room, assessing Marco The Phoenix and a kimono-clad man both sitting down on the infirmary bed, side by side, their backs against the wall. Another man with an unusual haircut was seated on a chair, smiling at his crewmates. She noticed the basket full of muffins on the desk Elli was leaning on, along with two blood donation kits. "Do you need anything?"

"No. I just didn't feel like being alone," she said with a small frown, not really knowing how to behave with the men, considering her previous speech and the harsh accusations she had made against their captain.

"Stay then. And why don't you give me a hand? Those gentlemen volunteered for a blood donation." He gestured toward the pirates who smiled in return. She couldn't hide her surprise. "Really? Why?"

"They've called me a bit earlier, wanting to know if I needed help or something. I told them we were running low on blood and that I wouldn't turn my nose up at some additional hands, hence the nurses. Whitebeard's doc' is already patrolling around the town and the rest of his nurses are organising a blood donation in the ship's sickbay. Commanders Marco and Izo came with the nurses and Commander Thatch here showed up a bit later with some food. So, now that you know everything, what about helping me?" Elli concluded, some impatience showing through is neutral expression.

She sighed, not wanting to say no but not wanting to work neither, considering her level of tiredness. "Can't you have one of the nurses helping you? That wouldn't be wise for me to do it now. Unless you want me to miss the vein several times." Her mentor was about to say something but Marco interrupted him, arrogance in his eyes. "I'm kind of a fast healer, I can easily endure a few mistakes."

It cut her to the quick. How dare he imply that she couldn't get it right on the first try? He would see. She could hear Elli chuckled as he came nearer to Izo, the kit in his hands.

"Fine. Pull your left sleeve up then," she said icily, before putting gloves on, readying the blood donation kit and coming closer to him. "Aren't you a devil fruit user?" He nodded. "I'll put this seastone bracelet around your wrist to make things easier," she said, removing one of the several she was wearing. It was made out of elastic thread and small dark beads. The man barely contained an exhausted sigh as the seastone brushed against his skin and she chuckled. "Quite powerful, huh? Let's get over with it quickly then." She placed a tourniquet above his elbow. "Now clench your fist two or three times please. There, perfect." She tapped the popping vein a few more times before inserting the needle. She put a piece of adhesive tape to prevent it from moving and undid the tourniquet, controlling the flow filling the blood bag. Elli was finished too.

"See, all you needed was a little incentive, yoi," Marco said with a smirk, and everyone laughed at the baffled look on her face. She went by Elli's side, jumping on the desk while he simply was leaning against it. Feeling the man's warmth just inches away gave her a sense of security. She sighed in her turn, not really knowing what to do now. She felt drained and restless at the same time. The pirates started talking between themselves and her mentor turned his face to look at her. "Have you done something for your cheek?" She shook her head, hearing a displeased grunt. "Faith..." She shrugged, not really wanting to have this discussion yet.

"The blood bags must be almost full now, I'll check. Can you bring them some water?" she asked over her shoulder while going back to the men. She removed the needles and placed a cotton with disinfectant where they previously were. Marco refused it, only asking her to remove the bracelet. When she did, a little spot of blue light replaced the commander's wound before fading and leaving his skin untouched. Faith all but gaped at that. "So you can really heal yourself thanks to your devil fruit?"

"Yeah. Poor Marco needed at least one benefit from being able to morph into a flaming chicken!" Thatch grinned. She smiled. "Right, Marco The Phoenix." She wanted to ask him more about his powers but Elli came back with the water. "You should drink, eat and rest for a bit now," she said while going back to his desk, leaving him some room.

And there she was again, weariness gnawing at her, waiting for something to end, not knowing what this something could be. The men resumed their chatter but she hadn't the strength to even pay attention. A warm hand on her knee brought her back. And she fell in even warmer eyes as Elli put an ice pack on her cheek. She hissed from both the cold and the touch. "You don't have to suffer."

"Yeah, that's what you say..." she answered, frowning. How could he be so calm, so composed, when everything around was just so messed up?

"Faith..." he said soothingly, almost pleadingly. And she couldn't refrain herself. It was too much. She didn't deserved to be soothed. To be granted some peace. She wanted Hell to break loose again to inflict her the punishment she really deserved.

"No! Don't even try to 'Faith' me!" she yelled, startling the pirates and her mentor. "I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear the whole 'It's not your fault' bullsh— "

"What do you want me to say then?" he cut her off harshly, "What, huh?"

"I don't know! Anything! Why are you so kind? Why aren't you shouting at me? Why aren't you telling me off?"

He seemed confused. Whitebeard's men were still silent, witnessing the argument. "Why should I be?"

"BECAUSE I LIED!" she shouted, bolting up, facing him, "I made a promise I knew deep down I couldn't keep! I lied to the sister of a dying patient... I lied to him... And he knew it." Her voice trembled. The ice pack was still in Elli's hanging hand, but the man wasn't smiling or mad anymore. He looked understanding, as if he knew exactly what she was feeling, what she was thinking. And now, she thought he probably did.

"You want me to punish you, but in all truth, I can't blame you." He sighed before looking seriously at her. "There are times where lying helps. Whether it is to buy some time, to quell crises, to give hope or to save yourself... Lies are sometimes the only thing that will keep you going in rather desperate situations, that will allow you to stand up and go saving someone else." He placed the pack on her cheek again. "See it as a survival mechanism. Even if it come smash you in the face when it's all over."

"But..." She hesitated. Lying was wrong. And yet... She sighed, feeling weak, the cold numbing her face. She needed to know. "H-how do you handle it?"

"Drinking and talking." He chuckled, taking her back to his desk where she sat and giving her the ice pack. He went to a small closet and grabbed a bottle and two glasses before pouring an amber liquid in each one.

"Who are you talking to?" she asked, genuinely amazed.

"Oh, you'd be surprised." He smiled, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "There, drink it."

"You know I don't drink." Thatch began to raise his hand, only to be interrupted.

"That's not for you, boys, sorry." The doctor smiled at the slightly complaining pirates before regaining his composure. "I won't force you, but I think you should."

She took the glass she was offered and looked at it. "Is it... from your personal reserve?"

"Of course."

"Zon... Zon wanted to taste it. Can't imagine the fit he would throw if he knew I'm about to drink your whiskey without even savouring it." She couldn't suppress a smile.

"Oh the bastard has had his fair share of my whiskey, believe me," Elli laughed in turn, before being interrupted by a knock on the door. He opened and she heard a sweet voice asking for her. She put her drink and the ice pack away, stood and walked to the entrance of the room as Elli stepped aside, only to be met with a brown-haired woman. She recognized her immediately and forgot how to breathe.

The words came out naturally, asking for a repentance she knew she didn't deserve. "Melya. I'm so—"

"Thank you!" the woman cut her off, taking her into a warm hug, "Thank you Jill! I heard what you've done for Zon..." Her voice trembled a little. "Thank you!"

And that was the final motion she needed to fall down the cliff she precariously stood by all over again. She clenched her fists by her sides and let her tears fall, shaking, barely repressing her sobs. One of Melya's hands went to her head as her thumb gently stroke her hair.

"You did great Jill. No matter what you think. You did great," she whispered in her ear as the girl hide her face in the crook of her neck. It meant so much. It felt so good having warm arms to cry into. Melya's strong hold was like an unbelievably bright and safe anchor.

The woman continued to caress her hair for a while, letting her expressing her sorrow, before she sighed and moved her arms to take Jill's face into her hands, looking right into her soaked eyes. She wiped her tears with her thumbs as she felt Faith slowly regaining her composure. Still staring in her green orbs, she talked again.

"I am needed elsewhere but I wanted to see you first,"-she faintly smiled-"and I want you to listen carefully." She took a breath.

"Harsh times are just around the corner. It will be hard. Hard for you, hard for us. We all know that. But we're alive." Her eyes shone sadly. "It will be hard, but you will survive it. You don't see it yet, but you already did. You're a good woman Jillian Sade, don't you dare forget that. Ever," she scowled lightly before softening her features. "You're such a wonderful human being. Brave, caring, passionate, broken." The faint smile was here again.  
"They will all tell you that what you need now is time but they're wrong. What you need now is to do what you deem right." She stared intensely into her eyes, shaking her a bit. "You are young. You are gifted. You still have so many things to discover. You're not bound to us! You don't have to be. Do what you want to." She paused again, and placed her hands on Faith's shoulders, a fond and sincere expression on her face. "We all love you so much, Jill. All you have to do now is taking care of yourself. You've earned it, fair and square. I must go now, so take care of yourself, a-and thank you again... For Zon." Melya repressed her tears before kissing Faith's forehead. She smiled and took her leave, followed by Elli who wanted to talk to her some more.

She was left facing the closed door, feeling the pirates' presence in her back. She felt like a mess and she was probably looking like one. Carefully unclenching her fists, she heaved a deep breath, wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt and went back to her mentor's desk. Sitting, she took her untouched glass and drank a bit from it. She winced from the burn she felt down her throat and couldn't suppress a cough. She was already feeling the characteristic warmth and guilt made her stomach churn. She was still on duty, she shouldn't be drinking.

Uncertain, she raised her eyes to look at the pirates who were staring at her, mild concern on their features. They averted their gazes when they realised she saw them and started whispering, as if nothing had happened. She nursed her drink with both her hands.

"It's over, right?"

They looked at her, baffled. But Izo was the quickest one to understand what she was referring to. "Yes it is, darling." He smiled softly. She nodded slowly, acknowledging his first answer.

"They're all gone and dead?" she continued. She needed to hear it.

"They are indeed." He smiled again.

"Okay. Good." She sniffled, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater one last time, before gulping the rest of her drink. She choked on it, making a face. She really hated whiskey. Putting her glass aside, she took the basket of muffins in her lap and picked one, slowly munching on it. She hummed in delight.

"They taste like heaven, right?" Izo asked, chuckling as she nodded, "Thatch made them. He's our chef."

"They're delicious," she said to the smiling man with a pompadour.

She stood as he was thanking her, and brought the basket near them. She looked at the crossdresser. "You should be eating something, to help you with the blood loss," she gave him a muffin. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit dizzy but fine." She nodded and looked at Marco, handing him a biscuit. "You should eat too. Even just out of pure greed."

And she finally flashed a grin at Thatch, giving him a muffin. "There. You made them, it would be right for you to taste them."

"And another one for me. Because... It would be a shame to let them rot in that basket." She smiled as the men scoffed. She felt better. Lighter. She thanked that glass of whiskey.

They ate in silence for a bit, before Thatch let out a content sigh. "That was quite a hell of a day, hm?"

They laughed and Jill smiled. "Yeah, you can say that."

The pirates looked at each other, the silence suddenly feeling uncomfortable. They didn't know what to talk about but she intervened.

"Thank you... For giving your blood, bringing the food and staying. But if you're needed elsewhere... You don't have to stay here. I'm fine."

"Oh we're not babysitting you, dear," Izo replied.

"Yeah, we only had to bring the nurses. Pops said we can stay here until the meeting. They'll use the _den den_ if they need us," Marco continued, casually.

"And we also wanted to have a closer look to the woman who stood up to Pops!" Thatch grinned.

"Thatch!" Izo scolded as Marco let out an exasperated sigh.

"What? Isn't it true?"

"It's alright." She smiled. "So there's a meeting tonight?" They nodded. "Can I come? I won't interfere, I promise. I just want to attend it."

The pirates looked at each other before Marco gave her a nod. "Pops told me to invite you, but only if you were asking, yoi."

"I see... Well, just tell me when we have to leave. I have some things to discuss with Elli." And without saying anything else, she went to the infirmary where she found her mentor bandaging a boy's arm.

"There you go. Rest for now." He smiled before looking at her.

"Whitebeard invited me to his meeting with his commanders. I'll go with the three here but before, I was wondering if you have some of this cold salve left?"

"No. But come, I'll make some."

They went back to the kitchen and she carefully looked at Elli. Memorizing every move his wrinkled and all-knowing hands were making. She memorized the light frown on his face, his slightly tensed jaw and the way his eyes shined with contentment when he was done making the balm. She looked at a man born to be a doctor and who had dedicated his life to it.

"There. Let's apply some on your cheek." And one of his wrinkled hands gently spread a bit of cold cream before slowly massaging it. It felt warm, being taken care of so kindly.

"Elli?"

"Hm?"

"Where's Kayla?" She hesitated. "I haven't seen her in the infirmary."

"She left for Miossu. She had some relatives there. The mayor contacted them and they came for her. She's in safe hands."

She sighed. "Good."

"She said she was sorry though." He smiled at Faith's wide eyes. "You heard right. She wanted to know what really happened. I told her and she came to the conclusion it wasn't really your fault. And she said she was sorry for hitting you."

"And you told her I forgive her?"

"Of course I did!" He chuckled, closing the jar of balm.

"Good." She sighed again, appeased. "I hope she'll be alright."

"With some time, I guess. Kids are stronger than they look."

"I'm sorry to interrupt but it's time for us to go, yoi."

"Sure!" Faith jumped off the bar chair. "Just let me grab my jacket and we're leaving."

And they left, emptying the basket of muffins Thatch had brought on their way to the harbour.

The Moby Dick was standing, fierce and unwavering in the surrounding darkness. Light and laughter came from the deck, and became louder and louder as they walked up the gangplank. Pirates were partying, enjoying their night after an afternoon of harsh labour.

The deck seemed even larger than when she first came. She noticed the Captain's empty seat. Some men greeted their commanders and she followed them as they disappeared through an open door. As impressive as the Moby Dick was in its outside, its inside was a maze of large corridors and rooms. They finally reached a vast meeting room with an oval wooden table in its centre and wooden chairs all around. All the portholes were open, letting the fresh and salty air in, making the candles' flames flicker. They were the last to come in and she felt more than she saw eleven pairs of eyes looking at her.

She nodded slightly to Whitebeard, murmuring "Good evening" and took one of the last available seats, between Thatch and Izo. The air felt tense somehow, and some of the commanders were sending her wary looks. She sighed and stood up, opening her mouth, slightly hesitating, and Whitebeard motioned for her to speak. "I won't apologize for what I said earlier because I meant every word. Yet, I want to thank you for rescuing the kidnapped children, helping rebuild our destroyed buildings and making your doctor and nurses available for us. We're grateful. _I am_. And as I already told your fellow crewmates, I'm only attending this meeting, I won't interfere, unless given permission. So please don't mind me and do as usual."

Newgate smiled knowingly. "Let's begin then! Sons, Miss Sade, we're all reunited this evening to discuss an important matter. We failed at protecting one of our islands today and we can't afford to let the tragedy repeat itself. We need to improve both our strategies and defences. I already have some things in mind, but I want to hear all of you first."

Everyone looked at each other and some of the commanders spoke. Leaving some men in each islands, augmenting the patrols of their second ship, training the citizens, providing them with weapons, leaving some of their territories to their allies... Whitebeard nodded to every proposition, keeping a blank expression. Jill looked at them talking, making herself more comfortable in the wooden seat, bending one knee to rest her arm on, refraining herself from intervening.

Three commanders were now arguing about giving weapons to civilians and she sighed. Thatch stood up, muttering "This is not going anywhere..." before leaving. He went back a few minutes later carrying a huge tray loaded with pastries, drinks and a steaming teapot. "There, let's not think and talk with an empty stomach!" He smiled before putting the tray at the centre of the table. Faith retrieved a hot cup of tea and nursed it in both her hands, enjoying the warmth.

They were about to resume the meeting, but a man, they had called Curiel, hadn't finished stating his views. "Still, we should consider the possibility of arming the ci—"

"Oh, can't you have a bit of common sense for God's sake!? If people and islands are accepting your help, it's because you're promising them they won't have to fight anymore!" Realising she just intervened without permission, she gaped at the pirates. "Sorry..."

"Gurarara! It's alright Miss Sade." Whitebeard laughed before looking at his son. "Yet, she is right. We swear to protect those people, we can't force them to change or to start using weapons to defend themselves. That is the task we took charge of. And it's why we are here tonight. I've heard you sons and although some of your ideas deserve to be carefully studied, this one is not an option. Now, if you all agree, I would like to know our guest's opinion on the matter."

Most of them nodded and Thatch grinned at her surprised expression. "Me?"

Edward Newgate smiled.

"Hm, well... I need to know some things before I start giving my idea." He gestured for her to continue. "I assume you're a big crew, but how many people do you need to run this ship correctly?"

"I would say a hundred, yoi," the First Mate stepped in.

"Okay, and for a smaller boat?"

"We've got a Mini Moby with three commanders and approximately sixty crewmembers."

"Hm, I see. And I also presume your crew is quite wealthy. Money won't be a problem, right?

"We have more than we need, yes. But I'm not sure to get where you're going, yoi."

"You're actually a crew of more than six hundred people with only two boats and several territories to protect. You just have to do the math. Even with your allies, it's not enough. What I'm suggesting is that you build two more boats. With that, you'll have nine of your commanders permanently sailing between your various territories."

"But what about the farthest ones?" Curiel asked.

"You thought about asking help from your allies. Aren't some of them near those distant islands? It might be worth contacting them."

"Gurarara! Thank you Miss Sade. What do you think of that, my boys?"

"The Moby is far from being full but that could be the right solution, yoi."

"Yes, and _Oyaji_ , you know that some of our allies are already willing to help us protect your territories," Izo said.

They discussed a bit more as Faith made herself even more comfortable in her seat, leaning her head against the high backrest. This place felt strangely safe. It was a huge solid ship, full of pirates willing to help them. They were strong, not always agreeing but they seemed to care for each other. That was heart-warming and comforting. It felt like she could become stronger by their sides. She closed her eyes and their voices faded slowly, becoming a dull murmuring.

"-lian! Jillian!" A hand shaking her shoulder made her bolt awake. Thatch smiled kindly.

"Oh, sorry!" She rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hand. Everyone was looking at her and she noticed a man wearing a white coat had joined them, probably their doctor.

"It's alright Miss Sade. We were only discussing your idea and we all agreed on it. We will build two more boats and contact our allies."

"Hm, good..."

"Is there anything you want to add?"

"Well... Yes." She took a deep breath, clearing her still sleepy mind and looked Whitebeard in the eye. "I want to come with you."

Various surprised sounds greeted her announcement and Izo was the first to talk.

"But why? Aren't you a doctor here?"

"I am. But I want to witness those changes with my own two eyes. You broke our trust. You broke your word. It might seems harsh or unfair and you probably never intended to but it's still the truth. I won't let you forget your debt. I need to see that you're not only making new promises but are intending to fulfill them. To make sure you do better and such a tragedy never happens again."

"I see..." Whitebeard was scrutinizing her, thoughtful.

"I'll be there as an humble medic, and as the constant reminder of your failure and your promise to do better and right by those who've already paid with their lives because of you carelessness. I know I'm asking for something important... But I really need to see it becoming true, and... And there's still so much I don't know about this world and medicine..."

"Aren't you more like running away?" Izo asked, calm but frank.

"Of course I am!" she exclaimed, bringing shocked reactions. "But that's not really surprising, is it? I wasn't prepared for what happened today. Yet I did my best and... Even if it was tough, now with some hindsight, I can say that... I enjoyed it." She lowered her eyes, ashamed. "It felt so right, just as if suddenly my life had more sense. I can't be a normal doctor anymore. Curing flu, headaches... It won't be enough. And I'm not like my mentor, I don't have his sense of self-sacrifice..."

She looked back to Whitebeard. "This is my home, but I can't stay." Her eyes then went to the pirates' doctor. She had the feeling that it was now or never. "I'll behave. And I'll help! I'm not asking for any position, any special treatment. I just want to learn more! And your presence here... This is an opportunity I've never dreamed of."

"What do you think of it, Bern?" Newgate asked his doctor. The man sighed, massaging his face.

"Well, the crew's expending, I wouldn't mind another pair of hands with a bit more of medical knowledge than the nurses. And I can totally understand her reasons. She's needed here but she's free. That's your decision, Captain."

"And you sons? Are you against Miss Sade joining us?"

Nobody said anything, and Marco finally chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Come on, Pops... We all know you took a shine to her when she walked on deck for the first time."

"That's right!" He smiled fondly, giving Faith a warm look. "Well then, welcome in our crew and family, Miss Sade."

She wasn't really sure she heard right, so she waited a few seconds only to see the face of each and every commander sporting a small smile. She had really made it, then? She couldn't believe it. Some of the pirates started to laugh at her frozen expression.

"Gosh, give her something to eat or drink!" someone exclaimed.

"Yeah, look at her, it's like she's about to faint!"

"Doctors don't faint!" she and Bern said at the same time before smiling in acknowledgment to each other.

Regaining her composure, she cleared her throat. "Well, thank you, and please call me Jillian from now on. Miss Sade's way too formal for my liking." She smiled again, feeling satisfied. "We're leaving tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, but we can stay a few more days if you'd like."

"That's not necessary. Don't change your plans for me."

"Alright, you'll visit the Moby and we'll talk about your position in the crew tomorrow, yoi."

"Yeah. I'll take my leave to rest a bit and pack my things then." She stood up, grabbing her jacket. The fresh and salty air was still coming from the portholes.

Marco stood up in his turn. "I'll see you out, yoi."

She nodded and bid the commanders and her Captain goodnight and followed Marco. She felt relieved and yet anxious. She had to tell everyone she was leaving. " _What have I done?"_ she suddenly thought, panicking, but Melya's words and smile came to her mind and by the time she reached the deck, she was certain she had made the right choice. If Marco had seen her slower than usual pace, he didn't mention it.

"I'll take you home, yoi," he said with a stoic expression, that she would soon start to recognise as his trademark face. A strange idea crossed her mind and she couldn't help but voicing it. "Are you really okay with me joining your crew?"

"I don't have to be. That's my Captain's order." Short and sharp.

"So you're not okay with me joining..." She felt disappointed.

"You don't know what you just signed for. You don't even have the slightest idea of what a pirate life is. Of what life at sea is. Storms, enemies and marine attacking, months without landing foot on solid ground..."

"Your nurses survived it so far, right? I'll be fine then. Don't worry."

"I'm not worrying." He sounded annoyed.

"Of course not." She chuckled and they silently walked down the gangplank and she heard her name. On the docks, sitting on a crate was her brother Tom. He couldn't sleep and had come to bring her home, waiting for the meeting to end.

"Thanks, Marco. See you tomorrow!" The man nodded and turned back.

She joined Tom and leaned against him as they made their way home. She needed to tell him. She let several minutes pass and braced herself.

"Tom..."

"Hm?"

"I'll leave with them tomorrow."

"You—"

"I can't stay here anymore," she finished, cutting him. "I'm sorry..."

"That's what you want, right?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Don't apologize then." He stopped walking and took her into a hug. "I just want you to be happy. Even if it means you're going away. You'll always be my annoying little sis', understood?"

She nodded. "Hm!" They resumed their walk and she smiled. "I'll miss you too, brother."

She had slept a few hours and had been awoken by the sunrise piercing through her open curtains. She had prepared breakfast for her and Tom and wrote a letter to their father before starting packing her most important things. Clothes, seastone jewels, books... When Tom had emerged from his bedroom, they had eaten together.

And she was now on her way to the harbour. She had gone to Elli's office earlier, to tell him she was leaving. He had smiled and patted her head, only saying that it was the right thing to do, sweeping her guilt and regrets away. They would manage. They would miss her but she wasn't irreplaceable as a doctor. Besides, some nurses wanted to stay on Suim. It quelled her anxiety.

He had given her his medical recipes and various balms, including the cold cream. Before she left the infirmary, she memorised everything one last time, breathing that peculiar scent of medicinal herbs.

Only a few people were there to see her go. She spotted Kemi in a wheelchair, Melya by her sides. Tom was there too, talking with Thatch and Izo. She felt strangely happy. Waving to the commanders and her brother, she walked up the gangplank only to be greeted by Marco and Whitebeard.

"Captain!" she said with a polite nod.

"Jillian. You're ready to leave?"

"I am," she said, smiling.

"Let's go, then. Izo, Thatch, we're leaving without you, yoi!" She heard a yelp and her two crewmates ran on board. She came closer to the railing and waved everyone goodbye as the Moby Dick managed his way out of the harbour.

Sometimes fleeing away was the better option. The only one conceivable in order to survive, to be able to breathe again. It's wasn't a matter of forgetfulness—she would never forget what had happened—it was a matter of self-preservation. Taking some distance, leaving the chaos behind. She needed to go away if she wanted to come back here ever again.

She blinked, smiling. And there she was again, on the Moby's railing, nine years later, Whitebeard's purple mark tattooed on both her heels.

Two days after she left Suim had buried its fallen citizens and she had sang their hymn, _sake_ still on her tongue, facing the sea, biding them farewell. The days aboard went smoothly and the bruise on her cheek slowly faded, as did her pain.

She had made peace, if not with herself, at least with those tragic events. She knew it wasn't her fault but she couldn't help the tiny spark of guilt residing in her chest. She never would.

Ace's steady breathing grounding her, she faced Jeminy as he slowly began to disappear, a warning look on his face and a finger pointed toward Ace. She frowned. It wasn't over yet. Resuming her massage, she realised how deeply asleep Ace was. After some minutes, feeling the urge to hear her brother's voice, she stopped her motions and slowly moved herself from the railing, careful not to wake Ace. Heading for the communication room, she greeted some crewmates. She knocked and came in when she heard Izo's deep voice. The room, with large windows facing the sea was an annexe of the navigation room. Several snailphones of various colour and shape were displayed on the tables.

"Jill! You're done petting Ace?" Izo smiled.

He was the commander in charge of the communications—because of his love for gossip, his crewmates said—with several of his division members. They were quite skilled and through the years he handed down the main tasks of spying and establishing communications to concentrate on the gathering of information. Many of the division members he trained were now on one of the three Mini Moby, accomplishing their mission.

Sitting at a large desk with a _den den mushi_ on it, he readjusted his kimono. Marco was by his side, gazing at a map unfolded in front of him.

"Yeah, I remembered a few things and..." She frowned. "Can I call Tom?"

"Sure thing, dear. You don't even have to ask! There's a _den_ _den_ there, the green one with the white by his side. Go ahead!" He gestured to the back of the room, where a lonely table was, offering her some privacy.

She sat and dialed the number she had learned years ago. After three tones, a voice greeted her and she smiled.

"Tom? It's Jill. How are you?"

* * *

When he woke up, Ace felt disoriented. Not opening his eyes yet, he remembered what happened. Soft whispers and two hands playing with his hair, bringing him a warmth and a comfort he didn't know he was craving for. It had felt so great this care, this closeness. He knew it was Jillian but for a brief moment he pictured a tall woman with long strawberry blond hair. And it had made his heart race faster, joy and sadness both fluttering inside him.

A tall woman with blond hair that was the only thing he recalled from his mother, from a picture Garp had showed him years ago.

More than ever he was seeing Jillian as a mother figure. She was kind, compassionate. And way too caring toward him to only be seen as another crewmember or a sister. And it felt strange, having a mother figure while growing up without one. There had been Makino for sure, but at that time she was too young and pretty. Ace almost blushed remembering her.

He sighed and tried to forget about all that. He just wanted to bask in that remaining comfort a bit longer. It was so strange feeling that well. He had let his guard down and nothing awful happened. Should this day be renamed Miracle? He smiled, eyes closed. Nah... Now that he thought about it, he had already experienced several miracles since he joined Whitebeard and his crew.

His stomach grumbled, reliable clock ringing dinner time. Opening his eyes, he stood up and stretched before turning is back to the pirates and looking at the calm sea set ablaze by the setting sun. He noticed Jill's book left on the railing and everything went quick.

Someone shouted from the crow's nest. A detonation was heard. A cannonball landed in the sea in front of him. The ship moved aside abruptly. Losing its balance, Jillian's book fell overboard and Ace jumped to catch it.

* * *

She sighed, discontent. The weight on her stomach was still there. She was glad she could talk to Tom and had news from everyone in Suim, still... She stood up and went back to Izo and Marco. She needed to take her mind off of it. Jeminy was probably only playing. Some of her ghosts liked to do that, from time to time, to keep her on her toes.

"What are you looking at?" she asked.

"Planning the next halts, yoi."

"Is Tom alright?" Izo wondered, looking up.

"Yeah, he is. Everything's alright _over there_." She scanned the room, looking to the busy crewmembers listening to recordings, searching for something that could help her. A tug on her sleeve forced her to focus on what Izo was saying. "Jillian?"

"Sorry..."

"You okay, yoi?"

"No. Something's wrong. I can feel it." She frowned, followed by a concerned Marco. He was about to ask her some details when they all were interrupted by a shouting crewmember. "Commander Marco! Commander Izo! A marine vessel is approaching! Their canons seem ready to fire!"

Smoothly taking control of the situation, Marco gave some orders. "Slightly change course and contact Haruta. Order him to be ready to retaliate. Warn Thatch, Vista and Namur too. I'll go tell Pops. Izo, you keep me up to date."

"Sure!"

Jill has always been amazed by how swift Marco was to react and deal with serious situations. He was an incredible First Mate. Yet now the only thing she could think of was the possible attack. Her uneasiness grew and she dashed out of the room, running to the main deck, oblivious to Izo's shout and Marco following her a few feet behind.

On her way, Jeminy appeared, looking deadly serious. "Oh please... Quit playing!" she shouted, upset and the boy vanished, granting her access to the door. Opening it, she heard a detonation and felt the ship moving before seeing Ace's figure leaning over the railing, losing balance. She only had time to jump and catch him by his orange belt, yanking him on board. He landed with a huff.

Her legs slightly wobbling, she used the railing as support and took a breath. "I knew it! You idiot! Don't do something like that to me EVER AGAIN!" He gave her a sheepish smile before holding the medical book out to her. "Well... In fact you could say thank you."

She looked at it, mind blank. Ace laughed at her flabbergasted face, soon joined by some crewmates. She took the book Ace was offering her. "Thanks for saving it, but, God, next time, let it sink!"

"She's right Ace, that could have been dangerous, yoi," Marco said as he was walking back from Whitebeard's massive chair. The marine ship was fleeing.

"Oh come on guys... I know I've already had my fair share of jumps in the sea but this time, at least, I was doing it willingly!" Everyone laughed again and Jillian sighed, clearly remembering those moments.

"Alright y'all, don't know what's going on here but dinner's ready! First, second and fifth divisions, it's your turn," Thatch shouted, coming out of one of the mess hall doors that was directly leading to the main deck. A cheer was heard followed by thundering footsteps. Ace was already gone. Whitebeard stood up and laughed at his children's playfulness. Marco and Jill were still near the railing.

"You coming, yoi?"

"Yeah, I'll join you in a minute. I better put that somewhere safe." She waved her book, eliciting a chuckle from Marco. Hands in his pockets, he disappeared in the mess hall. Heaving a sigh, she realized her anxiety had vanished, as did Jeminy. That was over then.

Feeling the fatigue taking a toll on her, she smiled. She had lost and won things over the years. She had saved lives and helped many people. That was exactly what she had left Suim for, and despite the hardships they had already come through, she wouldn't change anything.

Still smiling, she left the Moby Dick's deck to its fleeting peace.

**Author's Note:**

> First posted on FF.net in 2017 as a two parter, now edited and reposted as one and with proper tags.  
> Another NaNoWriMo endeavour that drained just so much energy out of me. But I was so glad and proud when it was over! I loved Jillian's progression and growth. She surprised me several times while I was still writing. And the soundtrack just stuck with me, took the colour and feel of what I was writing, like an anchor or something. Harsh and great memories come with this one. 
> 
> Thanks for dropping by! Feedback is welcome and cherished here so don't be shy.
> 
> Take care,  
> Lily.


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